she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
