Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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