when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
