She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
