forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
