Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
