Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
