My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
