he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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