using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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