He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
