she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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