ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
