Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
