Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
