I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
