she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
