I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
a search helicopter?!
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
