Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
