love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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