You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
