I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
