You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
