I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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