You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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