Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
