I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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