I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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