guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Is this like a preordered booty call?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
