Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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