Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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