So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
