If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
