yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
