weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
