Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
