I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
