its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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