I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
