my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Even my vagina gasped.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
