The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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