Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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