One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
