Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
