highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
