3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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