Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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