you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I cut my penus on the lid.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
