Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
