i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
