and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
