I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
