I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I wear drunk well.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
